The blog sabbatical ends

I'm back from my blog sabbatical (aka my temper tantrum), I'm sure I was very missed. 

If you must know the truth my hiatus was due to my attention whore vagina.....yes that's right my vagina is a attention whore, along with my uterus, ovaries and the rest of the clan.

Please brace yourself for my pity party rant...........and the vagina talk because there will be a lot of it.....

So where did we last leave off?......I believe I was happily harvesting 3 beautiful little eggs and waiting ever so patiently for my lovely ovulation day.......well that is where the problem started......ovulation day never came and my little virus I had mentioned previously turned into a full blown sinus infection with a side of bronchitis. YUCK!  So I died on the couch for a few days, waited for my peak day to let me know ovulation was on the way (and if I haven't mentioned before...I use a $200 ovulation monitor to check for ovulation!), and started a second round of different antibiotics to bring me back to life. So on Tuesday when I was finally able to return back to work I called my RE's office to find out when my eggs should be descending.....they advised I get another ultrasound ($175) to see what is going on and then they could give me a HCG trigger injection ($65) to induce ovulation and I opted to wait it out a few more days and just hope my fertility monitor ($200 as you recall) would show me a peak day.  Wednesday I finally cave in and schedule a ultrasound for the next day they said if all looked good I could get a trigger injection that day and we would do the IUI the following morning. 

Fine. Whatever. At this point I just wanted to get on with it. 

There's something about joining the infertility world that makes undressing from the waist down and carrying on a conversation with people while having a intimidating ultrasound wand in your lady parts a part of normal everyday life, so much so that at times I have to remind myself that not everyone is comfortable hearing about whats going on with me from the uterus down outside the RE's office. Guess that's what this blog is for....lucky you.

So anyway there I am paper gown, intimidating wand, a RE I hadn't met before that was covering for my RE, and a monitor displaying my insides, .................and there, very clearly on my ovary where a nice round follicle use to be, was a exit hole. Imagine a banner that's held up prior to a football game and then the players come tearing through it and leaves nothing but a jagged edge hole in the middle of the banner.....that is what my ovary looked like....3 jagged little holes where 3 mature eggs had already made their decent.
I was crushed. Heartbroken. Pissed!!
It didn't seem fair, and it still doesn't to be honest.  We've waited and waited and tried and tried to get pregnant and we know that the first IUI probably isn't going to be "the one", in fact the odds that it will be are so small per single IUI that I refuse to even type it out....lets just say we were told we have a 50% chance of IUI being successful with 6 IUI treatments, break that down per IUI and it's too small to repeat so you'll have to do the math.  Point being I just wanted to start making our way toward that 50%, I wanted to have the first one attempted so we could be closer to the possibility of a success.  So I cried, a lot.

So that was it, I had missed my peak day and since I really didn't know when it was I couldn't even predict when I would start my next cycle......I would just have to wait it out, something I am getting a little tired of doing.

So remember the second round of antibiotics? Left me with a horrid yeast infection! Any women who has a yeast infection knows they are miserable! I had only had 2 other one previously, both a result of antibiotics (next time I'll just die on the couch) well this one was the Queen B of all yeast infections and made me want to amputate my body from the waist down. 

This is when I started to realize I was losing my own identity to my vagina, she just couldn't stand for it to not be all about her (of course it's a her, and no I haven't named her because she doesn't deserve a name!)

So as the horror of the yeast infection faded the anxiety of when to expect my cycle started.  Then the spotting.....you want to make a women trying to get pregnant crazy?? Mess with her cycle! So of course the questions started.....is it implantation spotting? Could I be pregnant? Is it my period playing tricks with my mind? I'll save you the suspense....after peeing on anything resembling a pregnancy test and 2 days of every so lightly spotting, my lovely period is here to stay and I am NOT with child once again.

So after all that some good news is in order right? 
The good news is that my husband is wonderful and surprised me with a getaway this weekend. Men don't always do or say the right things, my husband is regularly a prime example of that. It's the times that he does things like, send me a cute invitation over email inviting me to a weekend away with the link to the hotel reservations that I remember how much I love him and how he has the amazing ability to make everything better at times.  Wow that is a little sappy and annoying isn't it?  .......So true though. He's one of the biggest reasons why I want to get pregnant so much in the first place, I don't want him deprived of being the amazing dad I know he will be.