Viva Las Vegas!!

So we're headed to Vegas next weekend!! My brother-in-law is in the Army and home from Afghanistan for a few weeks and is going to Vegas for the weekend for his birthday.  We have been wanting to see him but had decided we just couldn't afford it......with the cost of fertility treatment, and before we knew what our financial future held (would my husband be employed?!?, would we lose our house?!?!). Well now we at least know our future is financially secure, and don't get me wrong we don't have a ton of money but the truth is we do have the money for a weekend trip to see my brother-in-law. I know my husband really wants to see him and so do I.  Since we had originally thought we wouldn't be able to meet him in Vegas and told him we couldn't, we have decided to maintain that story and make our appearance in Vegas a surprise. My husband is a horrible liar so we'll see if our surprise is still a surprise by next weekend but hopefully we can pull it off. 
The initial thought when we suddenly decided to go to Vegas was excitement! How fun! A last minute trip to Vegas with my hubby, we'll have a blast!!  It may the last big trip for quite some time if I get pregnant before my husband leaves so lets live it up!!!!

WAIT! *cue the sound of screeching brakes* 

Ummm.....we are going to Vegas with 22-23 year olds?.....to drink?.......and go to clubs??
Hummmm..... I am not 23, I am 27 and married and trying to have a baby and although 22 was only 5 years ago it feels more like 10, I get a hangover after more than 2 glasses of wine, I start mimicking someone with narcolepsy after 10pm, and I have absolutely nothing to wear for "going out" in Vegas nor do I feel confident in dressing to "go out" with my current body. 

I am still excited and I know it will be  a lot fun but Vegas is so far out of my current element that it is a little intimidating.  The cure? Shopping of course.

The agenda for my weekend is to find a suit of armour that is disguised as a new little black dress, one that will make me feel confident, skinny and shield me from hangovers...... that's all I need...that and a spray tan!!

Great things to come!!

I'll admit I can sometimes seem to find the possible down side of everything. It's not really that i am a negative person, although I think that is what people sometimes mistake it for. Really it's more that I don't handle surprise well, or disappointment......haha ya I'm a tad emotionally high maintenance! Anyway I figure if I think of all the things that could go wrong and verbalize them, if it ends up happening I won't be surprised and I can say "well I knew that COULD happen". It's easier for me that way, don't get me wrong I think of all the wonderful things that as possible too and I am hoping for that all the time but I have to keep myself from investing too much in that or the let down for me is difficult. I suppose it's a defense mechanism.
Where am I going with this right?!?!
Okay so with this whole, husband leaving for 6 months, trying to get pregnant, trying to lose weight (a whole other HUGE....literally....topic), I needed something to take all the pressure off, something to look forward to. I wanted a situation that I could look at from either way and the outcome was a positive one, no negatives.
So I have a plan. Yep, yet another plan in the works. We have decided, after getting the green light to proceed with IUI, that we are going to do 3 IUI's before the hubby leaves. One in April, May & June, we will wait until April so that my due date can be after he comes home (April will be cutting it close!). If I end up pregnant, WONDERFUL, AMAZING, FANTASTIC!! It will keep my mind somewhat preoccupied with my hubby being gone and give me something to focus on (which is very important) and we will be so so happy. I will keep amazing track of the pregnancy so that my husband can be involved with every step, recording ultrasounds, belly pics along the way. It will a wonderful happy time.
If I do not become pregnant then we are planning a WONDERFUL, AMAZING, FANTASTIC trip to Hawaii, we're going to stay on the beach, drink Mai Tai's, sex on the beach (ya I'll sure we'll have the drink also), swim in the ocean, go to a luau, do all the amazing site seeing, and I'm going to shop for a new Hawaii wardrobe. And I will have 6 months to perfect a great beach body to take along also. And when we get back from paradise we'll either do 3 more IUI's then IVF or just jump to IVF, whatever we feel comfortable with.
So in the meantime I have until approximately April 22nd until my first IUI, that is 66 days away and the truth is that I need to get my body in better shape to carry a baby. In a perfect world I should lose about 30 pounds but I know that's unrealistic in 66 days. So I AM going to lose at least 15 lbs by April 22nd, that will put me at a MUCH healthier weight. And it's a realistic goal, 1.6 pounds a week. I CAN do that, I just have to try. I'm not waiting until tomorrow, or Monday, I'm starting today.
It's a beautiful day and I think I'm going to go have some breakfast, take my dog and a walk while listening to my ipod and day dreaming about morning sickness and Hawaii beaches.

The results are in...

So we got the results from the sperm count today......my hubby wanted to be the one to call and get them. We have been cleared to start IUI!!! Since my husband was the one to get the results he didn't bother to get the actual numbers.....aggghhh MEN, no attention to detail!! But the important thing is we have a chance at getting pregnant without spending thousands and thousands! My fingers are crossed!

2 steps forward.....10 steps back.

Well it's just like life to wait until you have come to terms with one thing and then it throws you another challenge.......

Challenge......that is one thing I'm becoming familiar with.  So where to start? Well first of all my wishing and hoping to by some miracle to be one of those women who become pregnant miraculously just as they are about to start fertility treatment....ya that wasn't me.  I might be upset by that except it appears to be a blessing in disguise.

So my husband is currently in the military, he has been a recruiter (which has kept him home!!) for the last 3 years of his 10 years in. Our plan was for him to be getting out in July and getting onto the police department.....we have been wanting to start a family and he was done having to leave (and so was I!!) Well it appears that this economy has everyone under the sun trying to get hired onto the police department.  And I do mean everyone.....so there we were a few months back proudly telling everyone our "plan" at a family gathering and turns out my cousin had also applied to all the agencies my hubby had.....not to mention the room full of people he shared the testing room with....90% former military.  So after many tears, heated discussions & anxious months later we have made the decision for him to re-enlist.  It's the right choice for us, we both know that, but it didn't make the decision any easier.  Re-enlisting means going back on a carrier, going back on a carrier means leaving for 6 months...leaving for 6 months means a significant road block in our baby making not to mention how much I'll miss him! It has a lot of positives though as well, like our amazing benefits we receive, medical (although nothing for fertility treatments), dental, discounts on a ton of other things, not mention retirement, stable future and college money for our children (some day it just has to happen!) And we are lucky enough to have a marriage strong enough to make it through the tough times. So I'm trying to stay positive and be a big girl about the whole thing, I'm trying to keep my emotions in check and think of all the positive things about the choice we've made, for my husbands sanity and my own. So at this point it looks like hubby is set to be stationed in Bremerton (because the ship in Everett is full...bummer!!) and he will be leaving for a 6 month deployment this July (coming home in Jan 2012).  I have mixed feelings about that,  part of me can't believe we just made the decision and now he will be leaving so soon and part of me is glad it's soon because that means it will be over soon and it gives me less time to dwell on him leaving.

So what does that do for our fertility plan?? Well that is most definitely the question at hand.  We are still waiting for the results of the sperm analysis which I should know either today or Monday. Then we will know if we are going to be doing IUI or IVF.  If the decision is IUI then I believe we have decided to start in April instead of this month because I want to make sure i would be due after he arrives home, we would have about 3 attempts IUI before he leaves and if they work I would be due anywhere from mid-January to mid-March. I think I would be a little nervous about my due date being mid-January because he potentially not make it home in time since we don't know exactly what date he would be getting home yet. In a perfect world being due in March would be perfect! Yes he would miss the beginning of my pregnancy but he would have time to experience the last 3 months of it before the baby came.....which is when it is most exciting for the men usually anyway right? I mean they can actually feel the kicks and stuff at that time and it involves them a little more.  Ummm listen to me though!! I must be insane for even entertaining the idea that we could somehow suddenly plan when we become pregnant! One can still hope though right?

So things are just a tad up in the air right now and just when I thought we had a plan in place we have to readjust our way of thinking again.  The pressure is on for everything to fall into place but I honestly believe that sooner or later things have to work out for us and maybe it will be our time soon. 
I am anxiously optimistic!

A plan for a plan......

So I finally did it....something I have been putting off because well frankly deciding to do it meant there really was a problem. I (or WE...since my husband is a crucial part in this process) decided once and for all to go see a RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) at Seattle Reproductive Medicine.  Since we have now been actively trying for 15 months not to mention the other 5 years that we weren't preventing....it was time. We had been seeing a OB/Gyn at a local clinic but he just wasn't ummmm....passionate... about getting us pregnant. Yep that's right I want my physician to be passionate about me becoming pregnant dammit! I mean it's all I think about, consumes my every day and thought so when I take the time to see a doctor about our lovely infertility I want some passion....and while they're at it a little COMpassion too.


Well I couldn’t have been happier with our experience at SRM, well I COULD have been happier had he declared me pregnant right then and sent me on my way, but the whole experience there really was very comforting and informative and I left optimistic. 


Okay so I'll get on with the details now.....


Well I brought in a crammed folder full of information regarding my periods, fertility work-up, medical history, sperm analysis (that part not mine) and a CD of my HSG images.    Well our wonderful RE called us into his office, yes that's right after the medical assistant took my vitals, the RE himself came into the lobby to greet us, shake our hands, and invite us into his OFFICE, not a cramped medical room but a bright nice office with a view of Lake Union. He spent an hour reviewing all of our information, going over our new patient paperwork, viewing the HSG images (after saying he really didn't care what the radiologist though he wanted to personally view them, I liked how he was so thorough), and then spend a great deal of time explaining the results and our options. I checked out with a clean bill of fertility health, everything was great, labs, tubes, ovaries, uterus all beautiful...excuse me while I take a bow now. Yes thank you, thank you very much. .......Now my hubby unfortunately not so much....he has decreased swimmer count.... his first count was 18 million and second count was 8 million.  Sounds like plenty but actually it should be at the very least 20 million at the lowest and really even that would be considered lower than ideal. As far as the fluctuation of 10 million, well that was my question too...especially after he had tried so hard to improve his health but eating better, losing weight, and exercising more....apparently a fluctuation of 10 million is perfectly normal....if one count was 90 million and another was 80 million there wouldn't be any cause for concern but with number like 8 and 18 it's a little different. 


So now you ask what is the plan?  ....Well we currently have a plan for a plan rather than a plan, are you following?


My hubby gets the wonderful opportunity to repeat his SA sperm analysis on Monday. If his total motile (moving and in the right direction) number is above 5 million then we proceed with IUI (Intrauterine insemination), our RE would like his total motile number to be 10 million or above ideally so that’s what I am crossing my fingers for. I would also be starting Clomid with the IUI to increase our chances.  It will be my first time starting Clomid and our RE described the side effects to mimic menopause….hot flashes, mood swings, great fun! 
If the total number is BELOW 5 million he basically said we should move on to IVF, at that point it is possible we could become pregnant with IUI but unlikely.


So that’s where we are at this point.  A huge part of me is praying I am pregnant right now (due for AF next week on 2/8) and I can just bypass this whole thing.  The rational part of me knows the odds are just not in my favor and that my sudden increase in appetite is due to my emotional state rather than a growing fetus but as anyone who has tried to conceive before knows that there is always hope until the dreaded day so excuse me while I analyze every “symptom” for the next 5 days.

A disclosure.....

This Blog is about my life; at the moment one of the most important things in my life is our rocky road in trying to start a family. If the topic of pelvic exams and sperm analysis makes you uncomfortable you may not want to read my posts. I make no promises to always be tactful and as this blog is for the most part a form of therapy for myself and also to record my journey so that I may someday look back and remember where I have been I plan on telling it just like it is, details and all. So enjoy.....