Working momma

Yesterday I went back to work.

It was something I was dreading and very anxious about. After literally being attached physically to Olivia for the better part of a year, it was a horribly uncomfortable feeling that I was going to have to leave her. .

.....truth be told I think I took it much harder than her, which is a sort of heartbreaking reality that most mommy's probably have to face.....whether it be now, the first day of school or the day they leave the nest.

She's spending this first week that I'm back at work with daddy and I'm both happy and sad that I don't think she even noticed I was gone.  I know next week will be much harder since she will be in daycare during the day instead of with Frankie......and the same day she starts childcare Frankie will be having to go out to sea for 3 weeks. That will be a rough day for sure. Having her spend all day with daddy, and sending her to daycare all day are very different. Daycare makes me feel like I'm abandoning her. I know that she'll probably end up loving it. It's a very nice place, and not just a "daycare" it's an actual development center that has excellent reviews and a curriculum schedule starting as newborns. The caregivers there are very friendly, warm, and more than competent from what I've seen.....but it's not mommy.  I'm going to be working 3 days a week......3 long 10 hour days a week.....but that leaves 4 wonderful days with my baby girl. It was very important to me to be WITH Olivia more than I was away from her and I feel pretty good about me work schedule....other than the longer than desirable days.

I'd be lying if I said part of going back to work wasn't for some Holly time......with Frankie having to leave so much and not having that end of day adult conversation, I think it will be important for me to have a identity other than "mommy" and conversation with someone that talks back. I think that's hard for most moms to admit, I know it's hard for me to admit. However it's not out of selfishness.....it's from knowing that with that time and self-worth I get from doing something for me, I know it will make me a better mommy. I also think it will be good for Olivia, it will be good social interaction with babies her age and make school much easier down the road, and she will also probably learn things she won't otherwise there.

My daily desk reminders of what a very lucky mom, wife, and women I am.